Home is Where the Heart Is

The say home is where the heart is, but when you move away from your home where does your heart lie?

The new year has brought a lot of new changes for me. Some are exciting and new, and others make my stomach flip when I speculate them. Nonetheless, the celebrations and festivities have left me with a big question - what's next?

Almost four years ago, I moved away from the town I had spent twelve years growing up in, to go and study in a city that was completely different and very far. In fact, when I sat in my room and trawled my way through prospectus after prospectus, there weren't many universities close to Kent in my consideration. It's not that I didn't like Margate, most of my blogging recently has been about how much I love it and want to see it grow, but I've always been the sort to get itchy feet. As a sixteen year old, I tried to convince my mum that we should all move to France (which we very nearly did) and when I turned eighteen, I couldn't wait to live somewhere new and meet new faces. Once I moved to Derby, I found myself settle into my own routines and become comfortable with my surroundings within a few months. After a year, I started to refer to it as "home". However, now that I'm approaching the end of my course, I find myself wondering where home is.The thing is, I've noticed over the last few months that I refer to both as "home". I'll tell people in Derby that I'm going "home" for New Year's Eve, and then I'll tell people in Margate that I'm going back "home" by coach. Even the people around me seem to have this complex. Friends in Derby will ask how it was "back home", and even my boyfriend in Margate asked me "are you nearly home?" when I was traveling back to the midlands (though he did correct himself by saying "well, Derby"). So how do I figure out where my heart lies?


 Margate holds a lot for me. Though my mum is now selling the house we first moved into, the town itself, in fact the whole of Thanet, holds memories both good and bad. When I lived there full time, I would constantly find new opportunities for adventure and was forever busy with volunteering, clubs, festivals and work. When I wasn't a whirlwind, I would find myself in my one of my favourite places by the sea front, just taking in the air and my thoughts (in fact, I often lied to people and said I was busy so I could have these moments).Needless to say, every time I go back to Margate, I find the same thing. There is always something to do and the sheer range of cafes and restaurants that aren't chains is certainly a lot more refreshing than the TGIs and Nandos of Derby. I guess in that respect, I see more character (and one that suits me very much) in Margate.

 It's also a place where my family and my closest friends live. I have a few friends who still live in Kent who I have known since secondary school and we have stayed close ever since. A couple of them have been the most supportive and loyal people I have ever met and though I never really admit it to them, I miss them a great deal. However, it's worth saying that even though I don't get to see them as often now, our contact has remained fairly constant and when I do go to Margate, we meet up and things are almost as if I had never gone. Another, more recent, addition to this list is my boyfriend. He has been wonderful despite the 210 odd miles between us, and has visited a couple of times now. After my last visit to him though, I realised just how much I miss him in between. So does my heart lie in Margate?

Not quite. You see, though these qualities seem like good reasons for my heart to settle in my home town, there are some hurdles that it'd have to jump before it could rest. One problem I did have when living in Thanet was how small it can feel. Unfortunately, the sort of work I want to do isn't greatly available in the area, and the people who have the few positions available aren't likely to move over any time soon. In fact, the job market in Thanet is quite small overall and the job I do have there is on a 0 hour contract, making it hard to make up the hours to remain there. However, this is where my second (and most talked about) bugbear is - the jobs Thanet Council are trying to create all point towards a very big Tesco being built right on the sea front (read my post about it here) and I'm just not comfortable with that. If you have read, or decide to after reading this, my blog post on Tesco in Margate, you'll see that the lovely character I described above might not be so apparent after the development. Will my heart still be there in a few years?

So, Derby. The city has brought me a lot of opportunity and though it wasn't my first choice of university, I think it's served me well. On top of meeting a few friends who are incredibly good to me, I have met a group of like-minded friends who I now run an educational theatre company with. The theatre company is based in the East Midlands and is my complete dream come reality. My passions in arts and educational (watch this space for a future post) is immense and the fact that I've been privileged enough to be a part of something so exciting feels like reason enough to say that my heart is in Derby right now. I am also exceptionally lucky to find myself working part time at one of my favourite shops - Lush. I started as a Christmas Temp in October and was lucky enough to be offered a contract for this year. I have loved Lush ever since discovering it and any friends who know me have said how much it suits me. I am a very happy bunny. Finally, Derby is home to somewhere that, until very recently due to illness and workload, I would go every Sunday - Bar One. Bar One is a beautiful little pub on Newland Street. On Sundays it plays host to an Open Mic night, hosted and attended by some of the nicest and funniest people I've met, and whom I'd like to know better.

So it's Derby right? I would say yes, but Derby isn't without its flaws either. I can be quite a confident person, and I generally don't feel insecure when I walk alone, but the number of public fights and confrontations I've seen does make me wary. In my first year, my friends and I were unfortunate enough to be victims of assault with theft, at 8pm in March. Though it was handled well by the police, the one thing to bother me was that the man in question was quite happy to do this so early in the evening. Though it's not something that's on my mind often, I do recognise it as something I feel uncertain about in Derby. Futhermore, Derby is very student orientated and I've noticed this more now that my friends have graduated. As I had to finish my last year all over again, most of my friends have graduated and moved away and the ones who haven't are on completely different schedules to my own.  One thing that I have noticed from this is how empty Derby can feel. When I'm asked to go out, I'm often too busy and have to turn people down, and when I'm free, they're working. It's created this weird fear in myself that the friends I do have in Derby are going to start perceiving me as a little...flaky?

So where does my heart lie? Well this is the issue, I'm not sure it does. I care about my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my jobs and my future, but honestly...I'm not sure where my future is or whether it'll be in either town or city at all. The fact of the matter is, the future is open to me and a part of me feels that perhaps my heart is too young to feel settled anywhere. Who knows where we'll be next year? Overall, I guess I'm saying that from my musings, take that you are lucky enough to never know what will happen next and that shouldn't be scary, or worrying, but exciting.


Happy New Year, folks, and may your adventures be filled with wonder.

Rachael.